GPP EP # 27: Here Is What Success Is NOT All About

Here is what success is NOT all about

Learn about the most common misconception about success in today’s episode of the Growth Philosophy podcast.

Learning this is not just important, it is essential in order for you to have a better and happier life.

Listen to the talk to learn more.

What will you learn:
The most common myth about success
The problem with the incorrect definition of success
The reality about happiness
Why money is not everything
What money is, and is not
The question you need to ask yourself to have a good life

Listen here.

Action before motivation – Why you need to stop waiting for motivation

One of the most insightful things I learned from CBT was about “behavioral activation” – the concept that actions help you get motivated.

The thing I like about CBT is it’s solution-focused methods.
It doesn’t really look into the issues (like conventional psychological), but rather focuses on what’s happening now and how to deal with them.
And this concept of behavioural activation hinges on getting you moving, in order to help you with low mood and motivation issues.
The idea is that rather than waiting for motivation, you can do something right now which in turn will help you to get motivated.

I’ve written in the past about how physiology affects our mood.
This is related to that.

Here’s how it works:
Figure out your ideal outcome and what it is you want to do.
Then start doing it in small chunks.
Do this consistently, and build on that over time.

For example, if you struggle with social anxiety, here’s how it will roughly work:
Ideal outcome = talk to people without feeling anxious.
Small actions = talk to at least one new person every week/day.
Consistent action = do this every day/week for the next few months, until the thought of it doesn’t bother you as much anymore.

Or, if you want to start writing, rather than expecting yourself to write a thousand words right of the bat, you’ll start off by writing 50 words/day, or whatever is a really doable amount for you, and do that consistently until the writing isn’t a struggle anymore.

The key is to get moving and to do only a small part and do so consistently.
If you keep doing it consistently, you will get better at motivating yourself to do it.

So if you struggle with getting stuff done and motivating yourself, here’s a hack to motivate yourself:
Start doing the thing.

Stop waiting for motivation.

Why worrying is a waste of time

Yesterday’s history.
Tomorrow’s a mystery.
Today is a gift.

That’s one of my all time favourite quotes about mindfulness.

Here’s the thing about worrying: the lion’s share of our worries are based on things that will happen, or has happened.
The future.
Or the past.

Here’s the challenge with worrying about the past: when you’re worrying and stressing about things that happened already, you are stressing about something that’s done and dusted.
No amount of worrying about it will change what’s happened.
It’s finished.
So the best thing you can do is move on, and learn from it.
Think – will spending time worrying about what’s happened change it?

Then comes your worries about the future: the future is unknown, it’s called “future” for a reason.
For all you know, you might be dead by the time the thing you are worrying about comes to pass!
Ok, more realistically, worrying about the future won’t make any difference to the outcome.
The better option is to have a plan, and do your best.
After all, that really is all you can do.

Worrying about the past or the future gets you nowhere, so why waste your time and energy?

Life is short, and your time and energy are precious resources, so make the most of them.
Make the most of now, because really, now is all we all have.

P.S. Let’s see if you can tell who that quote is from (first section). Here’s a hint 🐼

Don’t deny facts based on your beliefs

Here’s the thing about facts: they are facts.
Only because someone does not believe a fact does not suddenly change its state.
Not believing something to be true does not make it false.
Facts are just information, plain and simple.

Only because someone does not believe of the sun’s existence, for instance, does not stop the sun from shining.
Only because someone does not believe in the existence of the moon does not stop it from existing.
Only because we can’t see air does not mean it does not exist.
And so on.
You get the idea…

Facts are facts.
They don’t change based on whether someone believes in them or not.
They continue being facts irrespective.

So it is better to fall in line.
Because the disbelief just holds you back.
Don’t deny facts based on your beliefs.

Do you really always have a choice?

Have you heard of the saying: “you always have a choice”?
It’s a common one.
It’s one of the bedrocks of the self development field.
And it’s grossly misused.

Yes, you do have a choice.
But… it’s not a blanket rule that applies to everything.
There are nuances, and caveats, that you need to know about and understand.

The main thing to understand about that phrase, about you always having a choice, is that it’s talking about your response.
A more accurate expression then would be = you always have a choice re. how you respond.

Shit happens.
If the choice rule was universal then in theory you’d have a choice about the curve balls life throws at you right?
But you don’t.
None of us do.
Because most things in life we have no control over.
Control, at the end of the day, is an illusion.

But one of the few things that we do have control over is our response.
We CAN control how we respond to things, including the curve balls.

The good news is, you can train yourself to respond better.
To respond in ways that help you, and others.
To respond in ways that help you move forward, and make progress.

How you respond to things matter, a lot.
It can be the difference between you thriving, or you just scraping by.
It can be the difference between you having a good day, or a bad one.
It is one of the most important factors in determining the overall quality of your life.

So yes, you do have a choice, but not with everything.
Because most things in life are out of our control.

Don’t accept “you always have a choice” as a blanket rule.
Don’t think it’s universal and applies to everything, and then get frustrated when it doesn’t.
Understand what it really means.
Then work towards using it to improve your life, and make your impact.

You can only make lemonade when life gives you lemons IF you respond to it well; if your response helps you to keep moving forward, and make the most of the challenges.

It won’t be easy.
But you can do it.
You absolutely do always have a choice – with how you respond.
So choose wisely.